I am just fed up of failing again and again and in everything. I feel I am not good at anything. What should I do?

NEGI RK Monday, February 03, 2025

I am just fed up of failing again and again and in everything. I feel I am not good at anything. What should I do?

Pragya Rajput

Following

Experienced in my self care journey

I’ve failed more than 15 competitive exams in a span of 10 years, starting from NEET up until today. I failed 6 times in the State PSC, couldn’t even qualify for the prelims. I failed twice in UPSC, and also failed in the Bank RBI and other exams. Despite being one of the smartest in college and school and a fast learner, I failed miserably in every single field.

The exam I thought I would crack, I missed by 2 marks — I scored 83, and the cutoff was 85. I cried, cursed myself, and criticized myself. I told myself I wasn’t good enough for anything. As I wallowed in my failures, I started thinking about other things: not being good-looking, not having the perfect body, not having a companion, living alone, and being depressed all the time. I even thought I should just die. I regretted my decisions and even my birth on this planet. I indulged in all those negative thoughts.

But then, one day, as I was sitting and reflecting, I realized how much effort I had put into each and every exam. I couldn’t find that level of commitment in anyone else. The exam I prepared for with my whole heart, I was very close to cracking it — I scored 83/100, which is a quite decent score. I understood my mistakes and noted them down. I realized that I never really wanted to be a doctor; if I did, I would have studied for it. I never took any coaching for the State PSC exams; all I did was prepare blindly on my own, and that’s why I got nowhere, wasting 7 years in a loop.

I also noted that the other exams in which I failed were never really my interests. So it turns out that I am not a failure. All I did was pass time and waste it by pretending to prepare for certain exams when, in reality, I did nothing. But when I prepared wholeheartedly, I was close. So, if I give my 100%, my chances of success will be much higher. But even if I don’t succeed, it doesn’t mean I am a failure. It means I am a strong person who gave her all to something uncertain, and if I don’t achieve my goal, it should only give me a little sadness before I move on. I shouldn’t cry over it or be depressed, because life still has more to offer.