Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for how you show up in the world.
It's the most important relationship you have. Let's take a look at six ways you can do that.
- Be objective about yourself
We are biased and defensive about ourselves, and miss important patterns about who we are and how we behave. Being objective is a way of looking at yourself honestly, without shame and judgement, in order to know yourself.
Next time you feel defensive, ask yourself:
- How is my body feeling in this moment?
- What stories are coming up for me? Where did I learn them?
- Is there any other perspective that I'm missing right now?
2. Identify your core needs
Knowing what you need to feel safe, secure, grounded and loved helps you support yourself better and helps you ask for it from others.
To identify your needs, think about:
- What would make me feel safe and secure in life and relationships?
- When have I felt unsafe or insecure? What was going on at that time?
- What makes me feel better when I'm upset or angry?
- What can I do for myself that makes me feel secure or valued?
3. Make room for yourself
Prioritise yourself, not at the expense of other meaningful relationships but alongside them. Become actively involved in your own life — make decisions about your time and energy. Practice being consistent and reliable towards yourself.
Regularly check-in with yourself:
- What do I need in this moment to feel_?
- Have I taken time out to organise my self-care takes every week?
- Where am I ignoring my needs or abandoning myself in my life?
4. Be intentional about your attention
Be mindful about how you spend your emotional energy. Be aware of whether your habits, thoughts and community are nourishing or draining you.
To become more intentional:
- How do I feel after_? How does my body feel after_?
- Am I aware of what/who makes me feel good? How can I increase that in my life?
- How can I improve setting boundaries and communication with things/people that drain me?
5. Become uncomfortable
To get to know yourself, making yourself uncomfortable (in safe ways) is necessary. This will show you new aspects of yourself. Whether it is making a new friend, joining a new gym, spending time alone or processing your emotions — discomfort can bring growth.
If you want to manage discomfort:
- What qualities do I already have that will help me manage this feeling/experience?
- In what ways will my life improve if I do this uncomfortable thing?
6. Welcome the new things
We stay stuck in the same patterns because they are familiar. As we change, it's important to try new things, welcome different activities, people and perspectives into our lives. This helps expand our worldview.
Approach new things with curiosity:
- What part of this new experience will be beneficial to me? What can I be excited about?
- Which things do I have to let go of, to make space for new things?
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