1. Directly ask for you what you want.
This might feel awkward but directly asking for what you want allows your partner to meet your needs.
ex: "I would love for you to show me more physical affection, can you do that?"
2. Be vulnerable: share your fears and insecurities.
We think we have to hide our insecurities, so we put up defensive walls. The truth is sharing them allows our partner to feel connected to us and and creates emotional intimacy.
3. Release the idea that your partner will meet all of your needs or always make you happy
The romanticized version of love sets us up for disappointment. We won't always feel good about our partners. And that's ok. No person can meet every one of our needs
4. Ask once a week: how do you want to be loved right now?
They might say they need support around the house, they want some space for themselves, they want to go on a date. This will change so keep the conversation going.
5. Learn each others triggers
Let's say your partner grew up with an authoritarian father who was harshly critical and gets defensive when they feel criticized. Or, they grew up with an alcoholic parent and are hypervigilant to every shift in your mood.
Partners who learn each other's triggers have deeper empathy and emotional connection.
6. Show appreciation
Tell your partner what you appreciate about them that makes them, themselves. Rather than the role they play in your life. Appreciation goes a long way.
Ex: I appreciate how excited you get when you're learning something new.
7. Find humor
Living and building a life with another person is tough. We don't talk enough about how challenging, disappointing, and overwhelming it can be. Laugh about how messy it can be. Find humor, together.
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