I was hesitant to write this as it is somewhat personal but it might be therapeutic, I’ve already shared so much and I suppose I can without naming anyone:
I went on my partner’s laptop and stumbled across a strange message on her Facebook browser that made me scrunch my eyes —strange.
It was pictures of my partner with another family I didn’t know.
She was holding a guy’s toddler, standing (closely) next to him, and his parents behind them, and she had no wedding ring. Behind them was the Disney Castle.
The direct message was from a woman (his sister) that said “___ told me not to post these on Facebook because things were complicated.”
That was the moment—my eyes widened and I realized something was amiss. “… things were complicated?!?!?”
I couldn’t take my eyes off the picture. That part fucked me up.
(NOT THEM - just the exact location and this exact type of pose)
Many of you are in relationships. Just imagine the person you love, that you might be sitting next to right now, suddenly appearing in a picture at a theme park (like the above) with another family, “with” someone else. Nobody in that picture you recognize. And everyone appearing to be very familiar with each other.
It would mind fuck you pretty hard, too.
And the more I dug into it, the worse it got. It was a full-blown affair. It caused an avalanche on the relationship.
You feel this rush of fury at having been lied to. You are disgusted with the person. You suddenly see all the pieces to the puzzle coming together in your mind, the nights “out with the girls” and “crashing at a friend’s house,” and all the strange subtle behaviors you’d been blind to.
“How could I have not known?”
After discovering the cheating, the sequence of events probably mirrored the same pattern others have experienced.
You confront the person. They deny, deny, deny. Finally, they fess up after you wave the obvious evidence in their face. Then there is this rush of apologies, they are so sorry, they never meant to hurt you, they really want to be with you, the other person isn’t the one, please forgive them, pleasepleaseplease.
As she says this, more evidence and damage seems to rain down behind her. It gets worse with each apology.
From there, it gets ugly fast. The fan is set to max speed. And shit is thrown upwards.
It’s a terrible situation. Because here you have this person that you deeply love. That you have a lot of history with. That you have a shared identity with. And come to truly think of as an ally; a better half.
But now - you have to face a dark, undeniable reality that cannot be ignored, that things aren’t what they once were, and this person isn’t the person you thought they were.
It is the deep, painful cut of betrayal that takes years to heal.
Everything that came before this event gets called into question.
“Were they lying then?”
“What else were they lying about?”
“How did it start?”
“Does this person really love me like they said they did? Then how could they do all of this?”
In my case, things couldn’t be reconciled. It went far beyond the realm of repair.
It was a terrible, messy breakup but ultimately it was the right thing. Even though I’ve now come to fully forgive this person, she isn’t someone I could ever trust or be with again.
It sucks, though. You never think you will be “that person” who gets had in some relationship, who gets run around on and completely duped.
It's a terrible, hurtful experience and I hope none of you go through it.
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