I have debated with myself whether I want to write this answer, because my feeling about this whole thing could be easily misinterpreted. But, I decided to explain my thoughts the best I can, and you can take it however you want.
As I watched the rioters push and smash their way into the Capitol Building, I felt a strong sense of deja vu. It’s a sense of uncertainty and fear. Something fundamental had been shaken and fell apart. I was in free fall and I have no idea what would happen when I land.
Then I remembered, that’s how I felt during the Tiananmen Square incident. I was in elementary school, and it’s that same uncertainty and fear. Something so fundamental, that sense of certainty and security was shattered.
The Capitol Building is not just a building. It is symbolic. It represents the democratic process. And to see that building being smashed, being broken into, seeing the representatives cowering behind desks, underneath chairs and then escaping from the building, to see Confederate flag right next to the portrait of the founding fathers…
It’s horrifying.
Fundamentally, I’m an idealist. I know it sounds cheesy and perhaps even naive. But I do believe in the democratic process. I came to this country, and I adopted that ideology. And I believe it as the ground under my feet. And that ground was shaken yesterday. The democratic procedure was interrupted by violence.
For a moment, I felt that I was back in Beijing, as a kid when the world around me was falling apart.
I understand the ideologies of the two events are very different. I understand there’s no comparison. I understand there’s a lot of nuances in both situations. But the feeling of fear is the same for me. A symbol of our nation, our ideal, is being violated, and there’s nothing I can do.
I don’t know how to process this. I’ve read a ton of articles and analyses and they definitely help me understand the event. And I kept telling myself, everything is under control, it’s not that big a deal, it’s just a building, it’s just a short period of time, hours.
But I think something had broken inside.
If anything, I learned, from this event and the last 4 years, that just how fragile our democracy is. A small group of fringe extremists could storm the building and disrupt it. One charismatic leader could damage it.
Yesterday, and the past 4 years, Evil triumphed because all the “good people” did nothing, other than taking selfies with the terrorists.
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